Day 30
Overall the challenge went relatively well. I followed all of my policies, the challenge expectations, and even came out of it feeling better about my relationship with the outdoors. Most of the challenge was filled with mediocre days from the outside meaning I went on brisk walks alone around campus or in town but with each mediocre day I found myself reflecting more and more. I slowly made progress that really became apparent to me only towards the end which coincides with the highlights. I wouldn’t say there really was a low point during the challenge. The moments where I felt I wasn’t doing enough to be adventurous or reflective got me down but throughout the rest of the time of being outside I quickly came out of that thought. In terms of highlights, there was one part of the challenge where I had a bad weekend– I planned on missing a day or two of the challenge but instead of doing that I opted to go outside by myself and even though it was just a walk around campus– it still felt liberating to feel refreshed and calmed by that rather than stay in my room and ameliorate the dread I experienced at the time.
My personal relationship with nature since ending the Challenge, I would say, is stronger than it was when I started. Initially, I had a low relationship with nature as I would barely go outside on my own volition– I found the outdoors to be intimidating even if it was sitting on the Adirondack chairs out on the quad. Things like bugs, weather, the unknown, and unpredictability kept me away from venturing out on my own. The company of others who felt more comfortable outside would be the only reason I would go walk on a real path instead of just around campus but even then I wasn’t very enthusiastic about the trip. During the start of my Challenge I would find myself clouded with personal or school life instead of taking in the nature around me– If i walked to the knoll I would feel distracted on my walk, looking down instead of up, but eventually when I reached my destination I felt more at ease and able to take in my surroundings. This process became better over time with me feeling more clear at the start of the walk no matter the location I felt clear from start to end. This experience I would say is much like Kaplan’s levels of attention in “The Restorative Environment.” The most difficult part was clearing my mind– “After completing a task there are a variety of cognitive leftovers, miscellaneous bits and pieces still running around in one’s head” (Kaplan, 1989). Since most of my time is spent organizing tasks and completing them, that’s what I would initially start with at the beginning of my 30 minutes. All of those outside distractions would make it difficult to enjoy my time outside but slowly that became less of a problem. I do think it is important to mention that at the beginning of this course I did not think that these levels were needed to feel at peace with nature but as the challenge progressed I noticed as one of these levels clicked for me it was only then that I would feel peaceful– clearing the mind, directed attention, fascination, and compatibility work together as a unit to bring not only my experience outdoors to be more fruitful but to also enhance my level of attention in general as it has been damaged through technology. Now, I feel I am able to make connections with nature, appreciate it more but that is also due to a deeper reflection that I will later explain.
My personal goals stayed the same. I believe that they were reached but not entirely in the ways that I had hoped they would be. My goal to touch a bug never came true and I still feel skittish around them but I felt comfortable walking closer to them– when they flew around is when I still found it a problem. I did hold a snake on day 29 and it was terrifying but I felt brave and interested enough to get out of my comfort zone, I found it very rewarding. When I was outside, for the purpose of the challenge, I maintained a good job not abusing my use of technology but that did not stay consistent when compared to my time not doing the challenge but it is something I hope to change in the future with the digital detox.
Everyone has their own form of connection with nature– I shouldn’t feel bad about myself because I haven’t gone on a multiday backpacking trip and I probably wouldn’t enjoy it even if I did go on one. There are some things I think wouldn’t particularly serve me and that is perfectly fine. With this challenge I found that with some more exploration I do find it peaceful to be outdoors– whether that be at a picnic near Bristol Falls, on a small hike to Silver lake, or a walk around campus. I know with more time and practice I can reach more goals that I set for myself but I also understand that sometimes reaching a goal doesn’t mean I need to maintain or feel satisfied but at least I gave it my best effort. I want to be more explorative and adventurous but those expectations have been heightened because of the outdoorsy atmosphere that the student body at Middlebury exerts.
I learned to appreciate the Symbiotic nurturing that the photo-elicitation study expanded on. At first I wanted to do grand things but even with effort put into this I still felt like it wasn’t for me. With Symbiotic nurturing “plants or animals supported a sense of purpose and wellbeing” (Sofija et al., 2022). This is how I feel generally about nature, I can appreciate being outdoors and feel connected to myself but I feel I get the most out of being able to tend to plants or animals as they are “providing [a] sense of purpose, satisfying the innate need to nurture and providing social support through non-judgmental companionship” (Sofija et al., 2022). This is what I gravitate towards for wellbeing the most but on occasion I do find that going outside for a breath of fresh air on a tougher day can be the most relaxing.
And, although I did not push myself as much as I wanted, physically, when I was alone I did reflect a lot– which became a subconscious goal I worked on during the challenge. Self-Realization and Deep Ecology were some terms that I kept in mind when I was alone. They pushed me to make a conscious effort to connect with nature other than admiration, the outdoors was a space for me to not only reflect this relationship but with myself as well. In the article Why seek self-realisation? There was a point that always stood out to me, enough for me to remind myself of almost as a mantra, “Nature as a whole expresses its power in each individual thing. It is within these expressions of power that we can situate the drive to preserve our own being. To actualize ourselves, we need to understand what our ‘self’ is” (Aeon Essays, n.d.). This solo time outdoors isolated myself to the point where I was able to think critically about who I am and what I value. If I value myself then I value what I am connected to on a grander scale, I can not separate myself from this whole (nature)– This thought kept me grounded through the later half of the challenge. I think if I did not make an effort to my internal self I would be less satisfied with my progress during the challenge, going outside would’ve felt more task like to the point of possible resentment. This deeper reflection is where I got the most insight from and as I continue to go outside I hope that it seeps into my own personal time. Some of this challenge has reflected back into my personal life instead of the allotted time I had for this challenge. In the end, I have developed less of a need to look at the ground or want to be on my phone when I feel awkward by myself or with others around me when we no longer have a conversation to keep up.
Citations
How to face the climate crisis with Spinoza and self-knowledge | Aeon Essays. (n.d.). Aeon. https://aeon.co/essays/how-to-face-the-climate-crisis-with-spinoza-and-self-knowledge
Kaplan, R., & Kaplan, S. (1989). The experience of nature: A psychological perspective. Cambridge University Press
Sofija, E., Cleary, A., Sav, A., Sebar, B., & Harris, N. (2022). How Emerging Adults Perceive Elements of Nature as Resources for Wellbeing: A Qualitative Photo-Elicitation Study. Youth, 2(3), 366-383. https://doi.org/10.3390/youth2030027
Here is a link to the google doc version of the essay.